To find out that your partner is cheating, can be painful and hard. But not necessary the end of your relationship. There can be still intimacy in the couple, after finding out that one of you „crossed that line”, as long as you will be able to understand why and how it happened.
That unpleasant moment when you find out.
Nothing is more painful than to find out that the relation you were treasuring so much and that your beloved one, that you thought was only yours, is based on a lie. The pain, the frustration and that feeling of humiliation, can last for a long time, and can ruin a stable relationship.
For some of us, can be more painful to find out that our boyfriend, made love to someone else. Many women forgive this kind of adventures, but feel that all those happy unforgettable moments that you had as a couple, were stepped on.
Why affairs take place?
Affairs don’t just happen. There are causes or situations that made this thing happen, and you need to figure them out, and understand exactly what is the problem. Most of the times, the reason why extra conjugal affairs take place, is because unsolved issues are a constant presence in the relationship. Maybe it is about particular emotions, lost, confusion or frustrations, that pulled the trigger of an affair. Or maybe one of you was feeling ignored, rejected and this was the only way to get some attention from it’s partner.
Why men and women cheat
You don’t have to be an expert to know that in in every couple, issues and frustrations can appear.
For men, frustrations like, the girlfriend forgot how to be sexy, and doesn’t give them as much attention as she used to. Or, she started to gain weight for no apparent reason. She doesn’t enjoy sex as much as she did before. Or she is too possessive or too jealous. She doesn’t like the same things she did before.
But also, some men, do it for the pleasure of the hunt, and the adrenaline of being discovered.
For women, frustrations like, he started to have a bigger belly, and drinks too much can be a problem. Also, a problem like he is working all the time, and you don’t spend time almost at all can also be a problem. He is more into games or movies than into you. He doesn’t take care of you as he did before, he forgot about romace and flirt, he doesn’t listen anymore.
And women also can cheat, just for that confirmation that they still got it. They also cheat because they are in a desperate need of attention and care.
But yes, when frustration kick is, the easiest but also the most dangerous solution, is to look for attention or admiration in another place, than to face reality, and talk thing over.
Rebuild the trust
You can re-build that trust, until you will reach that point in your relationship, when you will be a stronger and more intimate couple you have ever been. After the affair is over, you can sit down and talk things over. Talk about everything. What happen, what made your partner look on another way. You will need to keep your frustrations and the pain to yourself, and bring up the calm and empathy. I realize it is easy to say than to do, but maybe the partner has a point. And if you love your partner, and you treasure your relationship, you will have to listen and work it out. You will need to listen to your partner, and find out what are or were it’s feelings in that particular moment when he or she decided to go on with the flirt and the affair, you need to find out how he or she feels in this exact moment, and what is the problem in the your couple.
If one of you will just want to forget what happened, and will not want to talk about the affair, or you just cannot leave aside all that anger, your all relationship might suffer a damage beyond repair.
Communication is the key
You will need to find time to talk, listen and understand the feelings of both. Now, the most appropriate words would be „i love you”, sweet talk and apologize.
Let the past be just that
For starters, each of you, will have to learn to leave behind all the bad memories. It can’t be that important that your partner had slept with someone else if you decide to forgive and move forward as a couple. There can be forgiveness where the love feelings are strong. Who knows? Maybe someday, you will be in the position when will have to beg for exactly that …forgiveness. Think about the affair as being a sexual experience from it’s past.
As a reminder
Please keep in mind that no one has the perfect recipe for life, relationship, parenting. These are the most difficult tasks humans are given at birth: to find the way that works.
At the end of the day, sit down, take a deep breath, evaluate all your options, and take the best decision for you as a human.
Remember that with every decision you take, comes also the risk of consequence, and you will have to deal with those, on your own.
If you need to clear your mind, to talk so you can have an objective perspective of your situation, and you see me as someone that might help, guide and support you, feel free to contact me via e-mail at: firstname.lastname@example.org, or on Skype. Leave me a message, and we can schedule a short session, that might help you clear your mind, and take the best decision for you as a human.