Jealousy

 

 

The first break-up reason- Jealousy
You think this only happens in movies: Prince Charming, coming out from the bed time stories your mom used to read them when you were a little girl, will shape shift into a bad Ogre , that keeps the beautiful naive princess, locked away in a isolated tower. Maybe you were yourself character in this kind of story, or maybe one of your best friends used to be like that. Maybe you still are, but you are just to frighten or ashamed to recognize the pattern, or maybe you are just afraid to not lose something you were waiting for so much time.
That cocktail of painful feelings of jealousy is just a mix of despair, offense, fear of not losing your love, hostility towards rivals, self-criticism, and possessive pretentions. In the jealousy case, we are not talking about pure unselfish love, but about the demand of being loved.

A few patterns can be mentioned and recognized in this toxic relationship, because, yes, it is toxic.

1. He will program even the smallest details from your life, not to mention your time, choices and life.
2. He is bothered by the close relation that you have with your family, and he will consider that as being an obstacle to your happiness as a couple. He will say that your parents have a bad influence on you, and that they will do anything to break you up.
3. Slowly you find yourself completely isolated from your close ones, so that soon you will not have anyone to go for a simple advice, or to get some help. And he will present that as a normal fact, because he should be the only one you have to communicate with.
4. You become his own personal toy, which he can „dress” and „undress” however he likes.He will make sure that you will like the colors he does, no cleavage, the skirts will have to be long and with no shape, and if possible wear something sexy ONLY in the house, with him. The toy will always do whatever he likes and whenever he wants. He will make sure you will not have any kinds of objections in any matter.
5. He will consider all your friends as being good for nothing persons, and there should be no reason for you to keep seeing them.
6. He doesn’t seem to have any close friend and never goes out for drinks with the boys.
7. He will refuse any kind of contradictory arguments, and will not admit or apologize for his mistakes. Better yet, he will make sure to turn the situation, so that the only one to be blamed for his actions, is you, and your wrong way of thinking.
8. If you will complain about he always checking on you, he will present you with a few excuses, so you have to be careful: 1. He loves you so much, that he needs to be in touch all the time. 2. He doesn’t trust you, and he needs to make sure that you are being a good girl. 3. He will ask you to do the same, because that is nothing more than another proof of great love.
9. This kind of control has no limits, and i am not talking only about present time. He will make clear plans for the future, and at the same time, he feel threatened by your past. So he will make sure, that the future has nothing to do with details from your past. And there should be a few details you can keep in mind: job, home, decorations, car, places you used to visit, people you used to see, vacations.
10. He never kept any cordial relationships with any of his ex girlfriends, and he will expect the same thing from you, and you better succeed at it.

Please keep in mind that this kind of situation can be applied on the other side: jealous girlfriend, will react almost the same, transforming a beautiful love-story into a horror movie with bad repercussions on emotional evolution for both of the partners. Generally, jealous people over react, because they are constantly dealing with bad issues regarding personal confidence. Better understanding and acknowledgment will make anytime, anywhere a better environment for a good healthy relationship.

A jealous person will always need constant care and attention from it’s partner. So the first thing it should be done, is to work for the necessary environment, for the partner to gain self confidence in his personal abilities. To realize it’s value and potential, and gain  self independence. It is most important for the partners to have their own freedom of movement and action. Try to project a positive image towards your partner. For instance, try to remember the features that you found attractive in your partner in the first place. Stop being a control freak. Try thinking abut evolving you as persons, and you as a couple. The more independent you become, the more that feeling of jealousy will disappear.

Try to remember, that for a tango you need two. But in the tango, one leads and the other follows. The follower will trust the leader, if the leader is worthy of that trust. And the true leader, will accept the  follower, only if the follower is trustworthy. So, gain that trust, and be the best leader, or the best follower you can be, and the dance, well my friend, the dance will be incredible, and will never end.

Remember, no matter your decision, there will always be consequences, and it is up to you to deal with them.

For more support or just to clear your ideas, you can also contact me via e-mail: ncraluca@gmail.com , or via Skype. Leave me a message, and we can schedule a short session that will help you overcome your situation.